Lack of momentum breeds lack of momentum.
I feel dry lately, as a writer. After that last outburst, I was overwhelmed with the grainy suffocation of ennui. I began to breathe sand.
I began to recall that I’m literate and conversational in German. That was a positive thing, though. [I had an entry to write about that too, maybe later…]
It’s just that I had/have so many projects and issues on my table, you get choked up and you don’t know what to start with, and then you stop everything, and not doing anything gets easier and easier, and taking risks is more and more foreign.
A beautiful woman from high school just published an eBook. I’ll link to it sometime in a less maudlin entry, but it had an effect on me, knowing someone from my past, someone actually managed it! It’s not as wholly large as the things I handle, but perhaps that’s for the best.
I keep having horrific nightmares and sleep paralysis. Dreams of overhearing screaming refer to someone needing help. Dreams of being attacked by ticks indicate something or someone is draining you.
Those things are always hard for me to reconcile, as a writer and as a woman; I pour myself out to humans, use up all my productive energy on caring about others and have to use whatever scraps of myself I have left to work on my own things. But I’d have nothing to work for and very little to think about if there weren’t things in the world I care about. It’s hard to care about others when you don’t have anything left of yourself though…
So, isn’t it easy to see why I could run dry?
Anyway, the above video is one of the first results for “lack of inspiration” when I look that up, and it suits me aesthetically.
Meanwhile, who are you? I know you’re out there. You view this blog at least once daily. You seem to click through from Facebook, so I probably know you. Seriously.
how do i make you love me?