I’ve felt confident lately, despite the rough patch. I’ve recently come out of a relationship and had a friendship fall apart. I applied to the upper division of my Creative Writing program, and was rejected. The time I’ve had to wait out the consequences of these events though, has been relatively soothing, and I’d describe myself mostly as feeling “fine, if not a bit sad.” I guess more than anything, none of these collapses feel like they’re in the way of what I actually want to do. In the regard of accomplishing what matters to me and what I desire, I feel rather confident in myself, perhaps for these losses. I have breathing room, and time to work on myself. What I desire most is perspective.
“You don’t need friends for a party, just people.”
A science-wizard friend of mine made this morbid seeming statement to me a few nights ago. It hung in the air, on my shoulders, and I realized it was true. Coming out of the collapsing city whole makes me desire perspective. What I care for is intact, I know that. What I need now is to be refreshed and to gain perspective. If who I was before all this wasn’t enough to push myself to success, then I need to become something different. I need to nurture myself in new ways in order to evolve. Perhaps if friends have drained me out for a bit, I need some new people. I need to celebrate, but I need to remember what else it is out there other people celebrate; I need to bring more joy and gratitude into my world.
Just because people aren’t friends yet doesn’t mean I don’t need them too sometimes.